1
00:00:09,990 --> 00:00:11,032
Aw...

2
00:00:11,954 --> 00:00:12,756
Ooh.

3
00:00:19,491 --> 00:00:21,014
Disgusting...

4
00:00:21,135 --> 00:00:22,097
or wonderful?

5
00:00:26,346 --> 00:00:26,908
Hey.

6
00:00:26,988 --> 00:00:28,431
Morning, roomie.

7
00:00:28,671 --> 00:00:31,237
So... tell me about last night.

8
00:00:31,638 --> 00:00:32,440
What about it?

9
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,645
I heard a girl's voice coming from your bedroom.

10
00:00:35,006 --> 00:00:37,411
Oh. Uh... yeah, I don't really want to talk aut that.

11
00:00:37,491 --> 00:00:39,375
- Come on, stud.
- Shh!

12
00:00:39,536 --> 00:00:41,139
Ooh, is she still here?

13
00:00:42,302 --> 00:00:44,587
Somebody's really taking to the bachelor life.

14
00:00:48,275 --> 00:00:48,956
Yeah.

15
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:51,803
Good morning, Joey.

16
00:00:52,003 --> 00:00:53,406
You spent the night in his room?

17
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,250
Please tell me she didn't sleep in your bed.

18
00:00:55,331 --> 00:00:56,974
I slept on the floor. Don't worry.

19
00:00:57,054 --> 00:00:59,580
Not everyone wants to kill their daddy and marry their mommy like you.

20
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,625
That was one drawing I did.

21
00:01:02,907 --> 00:01:04,070
What are you doing here?

22
00:01:04,351 --> 00:01:06,716
Well, at 2:00 in the morning, I realized michael didn't have his white noise machine,

23
00:01:06,796 --> 00:01:07,878
so I brought it over.

24
00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:10,123
He can't sleep without his sounds of the jungle.

25
00:01:10,284 --> 00:01:13,210
That's why I dreamt I was being attacked by monkeys.

26
00:01:14,814 --> 00:01:15,616
Wait a minute.

27
00:01:15,736 --> 00:01:17,580
If Joey didn't let you in, how did you get in last night, mom?

28
00:01:17,981 --> 00:01:19,945
- I let myself in.
- You have a key?

29
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,950
Yes, I made one for emergencies.

30
00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:25,077
When you turned down that hit show, it was a very dark time for you.

31
00:01:25,197 --> 00:01:26,440
I thought you might do something drastic.

32
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,885
- I wasn't gonna kill myself.
- Really?

33
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,248
You didn't even think about it?

34
00:01:31,611 --> 00:01:33,736
Mom, maybe you shouldn't have a key.

35
00:01:33,896 --> 00:01:36,702
I mean, the whole reason for this move was so that I could have some independence.

36
00:01:36,823 --> 00:01:40,070
Yeah, and I don't know how comfortable I am with you just coming over whenever you want.

37
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:42,154
- I mean, what if I have a girl over?
- Yeah, what if I have one?

38
00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:44,199
Will you stop being silly, we're trying to have a conversation.

39
00:01:46,324 --> 00:01:49,531
Fine. If it's such a big deal, you can have the stupid key back.

40
00:01:52,097 --> 00:01:54,061
That was too easy. You have another one.

41
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,707
Good job, Nancy Drew.

42
00:01:57,990 --> 00:01:58,631
Here.

43
00:02:00,074 --> 00:02:01,277
How many more do you have?

44
00:02:01,317 --> 00:02:03,001
We can do this all day.

45
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:11,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM

46
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:42,087
- Hey, Alex.
- Hey.

47
00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,972
Look at you all dressed for work.

48
00:02:44,132 --> 00:02:45,736
You know I played a lawyer once.

49
00:02:45,856 --> 00:02:47,139
"I object."

50
00:02:47,179 --> 00:02:48,381
"No further questions."

51
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:51,388
"How can this be a jury of his peers when five of the jurors are androids?"

52
00:02:53,112 --> 00:02:56,359
-So, the movie's in the future?
- No, no, this was, like, three years ago.

53
00:02:57,682 --> 00:02:58,484
Oh, my.

54
00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:00,929
Say, I hate to bother you with this,

55
00:03:01,009 --> 00:03:03,375
but my husband's out of town, and normally I would ask him,

56
00:03:03,455 --> 00:03:05,459
but what do you think looks better with this?

57
00:03:05,499 --> 00:03:07,504
Hair down or hair up?

58
00:03:08,266 --> 00:03:09,027
Definitely up.

59
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:12,715
Yeah, your hair is nice, but I like it better back so that I can see your face.

60
00:03:13,437 --> 00:03:14,279
Oh...

61
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,003
Yeah, I played a husband once, too.

62
00:03:16,123 --> 00:03:18,849
- Okay, thanks. See ya.
- Okay, right.

63
00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:22,257
Oh, my God. Another one of these.

64
00:03:22,377 --> 00:03:23,139
What?

65
00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:25,183
A note from the super.

66
00:03:25,263 --> 00:03:27,709
"No unsanctioned grills allowed.

67
00:03:27,829 --> 00:03:29,753
Please remove your grill from the patio."

68
00:03:29,994 --> 00:03:32,199
I can't believe this. How am I supposed to make a hamburger?

69
00:03:32,559 --> 00:03:34,123
Well, you could use a frying pan.

70
00:03:34,243 --> 00:03:35,927
Oh, don't.. just don't.

71
00:03:38,012 --> 00:03:39,174
Does everybody get these notes?

72
00:03:39,294 --> 00:03:41,579
Yeah, yeah, the super's kind of a hard-ass.

73
00:03:41,860 --> 00:03:43,865
- Oh. Do you get a lot of notes?
- Me? No.

74
00:03:43,945 --> 00:03:46,510
But I don't do anything wrong. I'm kind of a good girl.

75
00:03:47,112 --> 00:03:49,637
I wonder if Mr. Alex would tell me the same thing.

76
00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:54,729
Maybe I wait a few days before making sex jokes with you.

77
00:03:54,809 --> 00:03:57,695
- Yeah. And maybe don't even do it then.
- Good.

78
00:04:02,185 --> 00:04:05,032
Gina... I haven't seen you in minutes.

79
00:04:06,555 --> 00:04:09,000
Don't worry, I'm just about to leave. I'm not gonna bother you.

80
00:04:09,321 --> 00:04:11,686
Michael! Your snack is ready!

81
00:04:12,328 --> 00:04:14,773
In a minute! I'm in the middle of something!

82
00:04:14,933 --> 00:04:16,858
Well, hurry up, I gotta get going!

83
00:04:16,898 --> 00:04:18,942
I'm so glad I moved out here!

84
00:04:23,673 --> 00:04:25,878
Here's your snack, baby. I gotta get back to the salon.

85
00:04:26,239 --> 00:04:29,406
Oh, an hour and a half under the hair dryer. I hope someone's not dead.

86
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:35,299
Can you believe her? She's here all the time.

87
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:37,343
Yeah, well, she loves you.

88
00:04:37,383 --> 00:04:39,388
Yeah, but it doesn't even feel like I moved out.

89
00:04:39,668 --> 00:04:42,074
I thought living with you, we'd have this crazy single life.

90
00:04:42,154 --> 00:04:46,043
You know, the two of us out, meeting girls. I mean, I know how you are with women.

91
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:46,924
You do ?

92
00:04:47,847 --> 00:04:49,610
Sure, it's the first memory I have of you.

93
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,016
We came to New York for this big family party.

94
00:04:52,136 --> 00:04:53,379
All the girl cousins flock to you.

95
00:04:53,499 --> 00:04:55,223
I know nothing would have happened with them.

96
00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:57,227
No, not even once, before I knew that was wrong.

97
00:05:00,194 --> 00:05:01,757
I guess I just thought if I lived with you,

98
00:05:01,878 --> 00:05:03,561
then I'd have a chance to learn a few things.

99
00:05:04,163 --> 00:05:05,967
- Aw...
- What?

100
00:05:06,287 --> 00:05:08,492
That's really sweet. You want to learn stuff from your uncle.

101
00:05:08,893 --> 00:05:10,016
Well, yeah.

102
00:05:10,256 --> 00:05:11,820
That's new for me, you know.

103
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:13,303
I've never been the one to teach someone something.

104
00:05:13,383 --> 00:05:14,586
I was always the one who...

105
00:05:16,229 --> 00:05:17,993
No, never learned anything either.

106
00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:22,123
- So, are you up to it?
- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

107
00:05:22,363 --> 00:05:25,290
You came to the right guy. I have so much knowledge to give.

108
00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:28,417
You don't really have a dad around and I don't have any sons.

109
00:05:30,662 --> 00:05:32,866
So, we can go to a bar tomorrow night.

110
00:05:33,027 --> 00:05:35,192
Cool. I've never done that before.

111
00:05:35,272 --> 00:05:36,434
You'll have a blast.

112
00:05:36,514 --> 00:05:38,679
I remember the first time I went out to a bar and hit on girls.

113
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,804
- Were you my age?
- Close to it.

114
00:05:40,884 --> 00:05:42,648
- What, like 18?
- 11.

115
00:05:50,425 --> 00:05:52,229
Oh, I feel so lonely.

116
00:05:53,993 --> 00:05:55,477
Well, hello, handsome.

117
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:02,652
- Joey.
- Hey, how was school?

118
00:06:03,053 --> 00:06:05,539
Great. How was... what you do?

119
00:06:08,064 --> 00:06:10,350
For your information, I had a really big audition today.

120
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:11,913
Oh, yeah? How'd it go?

121
00:06:12,354 --> 00:06:13,757
I don't know. I got lost.

122
00:06:15,321 --> 00:06:16,804
You got some more notes from the super.

123
00:06:17,766 --> 00:06:19,730
Man, this guy will not leave me alone.

124
00:06:20,612 --> 00:06:22,937
"Wet towels cannot be left in the courtyard."

125
00:06:23,058 --> 00:06:24,381
Yeah, they can, I did it.

126
00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:28,510
"Underwear is not appropriate hot tub attire."

127
00:06:28,790 --> 00:06:29,552
Why not?

128
00:06:29,672 --> 00:06:31,917
Uh, maybe because when it's wet, it's see-through.

129
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,165
Hey, how 'bout that?

130
00:06:37,570 --> 00:06:38,773
- Hey.
- Hey.

131
00:06:38,933 --> 00:06:40,777
Hey, I know that you were upset about your grill,

132
00:06:40,897 --> 00:06:43,022
so I made you a list of places around that make good burgers,

133
00:06:43,142 --> 00:06:44,946
and also a couple of my favorite restaurants.

134
00:06:44,986 --> 00:06:46,349
And there's your pee-pee.

135
00:06:50,559 --> 00:06:52,804
This is great. Hey, thanks for doing this.

136
00:06:52,884 --> 00:06:54,568
Say, Alex, have you met my nephew, Michael?

137
00:06:54,688 --> 00:06:56,131
Not officially, no.

138
00:06:56,211 --> 00:06:57,454
It's nice to meet you, Michael.

139
00:06:57,534 --> 00:06:59,739
Golly. Yeah. Uh, hi. Wow.

140
00:07:01,864 --> 00:07:03,668
That's... clammy.

141
00:07:07,597 --> 00:07:09,761
Why don't save some of that magic for tonight?

142
00:07:12,928 --> 00:07:14,131
You know know any of these places?

143
00:07:14,773 --> 00:07:16,055
Um...

144
00:07:17,098 --> 00:07:19,022
- This is weird.
- What?

145
00:07:19,984 --> 00:07:23,352
The handwriting on this list looks a lot like the handwriting on the notes from the super.

146
00:07:23,472 --> 00:07:24,995
Check it out. It's the same.

147
00:07:25,035 --> 00:07:26,438
You know what that means?

148
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:29,084
Alex and the super had the same handwriting teacher!

149
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,973
Uh, or...

150
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,178
Uh... Alex is the super.

151
00:07:35,258 --> 00:07:39,107
- Or... Alex and the super have a secret...
- No, no, you had it.

152
00:07:39,227 --> 00:07:39,988
Right.

153
00:07:41,311 --> 00:07:42,674
Wait a second. Wait a second.

154
00:07:43,035 --> 00:07:46,242
If Alex is the super, that means she lied to me.

155
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:47,766
That sucks.

156
00:07:50,652 --> 00:07:52,095
The same handwriting teacher.

157
00:07:55,343 --> 00:07:57,628
"Uh, golly. Hi. Gee. Wow."

158
00:08:04,844 --> 00:08:05,966
Okay.

159
00:08:06,167 --> 00:08:08,211
God, it took you forever to get ready.

160
00:08:09,013 --> 00:08:10,015
Just like an hour and a half.

161
00:08:10,175 --> 00:08:11,899
Usually takes Mom, like, two hours.

162
00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:13,503
That is because she is a woman.

163
00:08:14,104 --> 00:08:15,708
Something which you are not.

164
00:08:16,550 --> 00:08:18,594
Well, you look really nice.

165
00:08:18,754 --> 00:08:20,839
I am also not a woman. We don't do that.

166
00:08:22,884 --> 00:08:24,768
But thanks ! Okay, come on, let's go.

167
00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:26,652
Great, let me just make sure I've got everything.

168
00:08:26,933 --> 00:08:29,258
I've got some money, I got my fake ID...

169
00:08:29,338 --> 00:08:31,022
- Ah...
- Yeah, these are cool.

170
00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:32,305
Some guys at Cal Tech made these.

171
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,028
They're impossible to tell apart from the real thing.

172
00:08:34,109 --> 00:08:36,313
But I did have a little fun with it. Check out the name.

173
00:08:37,035 --> 00:08:39,200
-Nils Bohr?
- The famous physicist.

174
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,164
- He developed the...
- No, thanks. Nope.

175
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,732
Look, uh, Michael, as your teacher,

176
00:08:44,852 --> 00:08:47,699
I feel like we should talk a little bit about your rap.

177
00:08:47,979 --> 00:08:51,427
Now we have to take your greatest weakness,

178
00:08:51,627 --> 00:08:52,870
your intelligence,

179
00:08:53,351 --> 00:08:54,875
and turn that into a strength.

180
00:08:54,955 --> 00:08:57,400
Now, what kind of stuff are you smart about?

181
00:08:57,881 --> 00:09:00,126
- Uh, I know physics.
- No. Next.

182
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,291
- Uh, I enjoy cubing.
- What's cubing?

183
00:09:02,331 --> 00:09:05,097
That's when people share different strategies to solve Rubik's cubes.

184
00:09:05,218 --> 00:09:05,578
Next.

185
00:09:06,821 --> 00:09:08,986
- Also speed cubing...
- Next.

186
00:09:10,429 --> 00:09:12,634
Uh, I'm pretty knowledgeable about astronomy.

187
00:09:13,716 --> 00:09:15,681
- That's, like, stars?
- Right.

188
00:09:15,841 --> 00:09:17,204
Yeah, okay. That could work.

189
00:09:17,284 --> 00:09:19,930
Yeah, yeah, okay.  You take a girl outside,

190
00:09:20,171 --> 00:09:22,777
you show her the stars, very romantic.

191
00:09:22,857 --> 00:09:26,625
Maybe it getrs a little chilly, you slip your arm around her.

192
00:09:26,785 --> 00:09:29,351
You're starting to feel like another teacher I had.

193
00:09:29,431 --> 00:09:30,874
- He got fired.
- All right.

194
00:09:32,478 --> 00:09:33,641
- Are you ready?
- Yes.

195
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:34,563
- Let's go.
- All right.

196
00:09:35,324 --> 00:09:36,768
Hey, guys, it's me.

197
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,895
What are we going to do? She's going to want to come with us.

198
00:09:40,255 --> 00:09:41,939
Pretend we're not here.

199
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:43,262
Hey.

200
00:09:45,387 --> 00:09:46,910
Don't make me use my key.

201
00:09:50,879 --> 00:09:51,961
- Hey.
- Hey.

202
00:09:52,041 --> 00:09:54,768
Look at you two all dressed up.

203
00:09:55,369 --> 00:09:57,453
- Where are we going?
- Uh... nowhere.

204
00:09:57,534 --> 00:09:59,979
- Nowhere. We're just hanging out.
- Just a quiet night at home, Ma.

205
00:10:00,139 --> 00:10:01,502
Well, I know you're going out, Michael.

206
00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:02,865
You got your shoulder pads on.

207
00:10:05,712 --> 00:10:07,436
You're not a woman from the '80s.

208
00:10:09,801 --> 00:10:11,725
So, what's going on?

209
00:10:11,885 --> 00:10:14,371
Well, we were going to go to this bar down the street.

210
00:10:14,892 --> 00:10:16,536
Sounds like fun. I'm in.

211
00:10:16,656 --> 00:10:20,825
Uh... yeah, I don't know I'm not sure you should come, Mom.

212
00:10:20,946 --> 00:10:23,471
We were maybe thinking of, you know...

213
00:10:23,511 --> 00:10:24,794
talking to some girls.

214
00:10:24,954 --> 00:10:26,277
Then you definitely want me there.

215
00:10:26,358 --> 00:10:27,761
I happen to be a great wing man.

216
00:10:27,921 --> 00:10:29,605
Remember when I hooked you up with Cousin Marie?

217
00:10:29,725 --> 00:10:30,447
Yeah, thanks a lot.

218
00:10:30,527 --> 00:10:32,491
You know how many Hail Marys I had to say for that?

219
00:10:36,179 --> 00:10:37,542
Come on, let's go.

220
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,068
This is gonna be fun, the three of us out together.

221
00:10:40,148 --> 00:10:43,676
You know, I really think it might be better for the two of us to do this alone.

222
00:10:46,202 --> 00:10:46,883
Oh.

223
00:10:47,765 --> 00:10:49,208
Okay. I understand.

224
00:10:49,409 --> 00:10:51,734
No, well, just for tonight. We can all do something tomorrow.

225
00:10:51,814 --> 00:10:52,736
Yeah.

226
00:10:53,618 --> 00:10:55,342
No, that's fine, really.

227
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,467
I mean, if you want it to be just the two of you,

228
00:10:57,547 --> 00:10:58,549
then I think you should do that.

229
00:10:58,669 --> 00:10:59,471
Mom...

230
00:11:04,683 --> 00:11:06,006
I feel terrible.

231
00:11:06,406 --> 00:11:07,529
I know, I know.

232
00:11:07,609 --> 00:11:09,854
You know, I forget how sensitive she can be.

233
00:11:15,707 --> 00:11:17,110
And classy.

234
00:11:27,814 --> 00:11:29,578
All right, great. I'll give you a call.

235
00:11:31,703 --> 00:11:34,950
- And that is how it's done.
- Wow.

236
00:11:35,391 --> 00:11:37,195
You got her number. That girl was gorgeous

237
00:11:37,475 --> 00:11:39,400
She lives in Long Beach. Where's that?

238
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,364
Uh, you take the 10 to the 4, 5, 7, 10

239
00:11:41,444 --> 00:11:43,288
Sorry, Betty, it's not to be.

240
00:11:44,531 --> 00:11:47,017
So how do the girls from L.A. compare to the girls from New York?

241
00:11:47,177 --> 00:11:49,422
Well, it's a little early and I don't want to jinx it, but...

242
00:11:49,462 --> 00:11:50,584
they may be trashier.

243
00:11:52,268 --> 00:11:53,711
All right, first thing you want to do

244
00:11:53,912 --> 00:11:55,275
is find someone you're attracted to, right?

245
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,478
You see anyone you like ?

246
00:11:57,199 --> 00:11:59,204
The lady bartender is certainly attractive.

247
00:11:59,284 --> 00:12:00,927
Oh, good eye. Good eye.

248
00:12:01,008 --> 00:12:01,729
No chance.

249
00:12:02,932 --> 00:12:04,976
No. Bartenders get hit on constantly,

250
00:12:05,097 --> 00:12:06,780
so there's a very high level of difficulty.

251
00:12:06,821 --> 00:12:09,346
You might want to start with that sorority girl over there

252
00:12:09,426 --> 00:12:11,351
whose friends are carrying her to the bathroom.

253
00:12:12,633 --> 00:12:15,239
Ah, I don't think so. She doesn't look very smart.

254
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:18,406
Oh, no. Maybe you won't co-author a book together.

255
00:12:20,411 --> 00:12:21,092
That girl.

256
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,417
She looks, uh, interesting.

257
00:12:23,658 --> 00:12:25,462
Great, okay. Go talk to her.

258
00:12:26,504 --> 00:12:27,627
All right, here we go.

259
00:12:29,030 --> 00:12:30,273
You put them back in ?

260
00:12:30,353 --> 00:12:32,518
Maybe someone here wants a woman from the '80s.

261
00:12:34,322 --> 00:12:36,887
Oh, sorry, we got an anonymous call that you're underage.

262
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:38,371
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

263
00:12:38,451 --> 00:12:39,533
You got a call about me?

264
00:12:39,613 --> 00:12:41,417
Well, the woman said to look for the handsome genius

265
00:12:41,457 --> 00:12:44,063
accompanied by the Tony Danza-esq older gentleman.

266
00:12:46,669 --> 00:12:48,353
- Gina.
- I can't believe this.

267
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:49,956
Come on, let's go.

268
00:12:49,996 --> 00:12:51,319
I was just about to score.

269
00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,408
Hey, you really think I look like Tony Danza?

270
00:12:56,170 --> 00:12:58,134
Hey, good enough. Come on.

271
00:13:06,794 --> 00:13:10,041
Hey, guys! Are all the girls you picked up coming separately?

272
00:13:10,522 --> 00:13:11,965
I can't believe you.

273
00:13:12,286 --> 00:13:14,130
You called the bar? Why?

274
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,134
Why? Because you shouldn't have been there.

275
00:13:16,174 --> 00:13:18,099
I never drank alcohol before I was 21.

276
00:13:21,947 --> 00:13:22,829
She's right.

277
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:25,956
I just, I, uh, uh, I can't...

278
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:27,079
Never mind.

279
00:13:27,119 --> 00:13:29,724
No, no, no, no, Michael. You're upset. You tell your mother how you feel.

280
00:13:29,845 --> 00:13:32,651
It's just... Okay. I wanted some time away from you,

281
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,295
and I don't think that's too much to ask.

282
00:13:34,575 --> 00:13:37,943
You ruined my night, Mom, and Joey's, and that's selfish.

283
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,787
Good, good. You're getting it out. What else? What else?

284
00:13:39,907 --> 00:13:42,072
I hate that you made me take flute lessons.

285
00:13:43,876 --> 00:13:45,479
We're going a little wide now.

286
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:46,722
Let's bring it back.

287
00:13:47,644 --> 00:13:50,210
I just, I can't believe you couldn't give me one night on my own.

288
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:54,940
Look, I'm sorry,

289
00:13:55,061 --> 00:13:56,263
but you have to understand,

290
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,869
you abandoning me is my worst nightmare.

291
00:13:58,949 --> 00:14:00,874
Then you haven't had my monkey dream.

292
00:14:06,045 --> 00:14:09,132
I was afraid when you moved out you wouldn't want me to be a part of your life anymore.

293
00:14:09,212 --> 00:14:11,818
And it'd just be the two of you going out, having fun without me.

294
00:14:11,898 --> 00:14:13,141
And now that's what's happening.

295
00:14:13,221 --> 00:14:14,664
Hey, Gina. Come on, now.

296
00:14:14,825 --> 00:14:16,588
Well, I just don't understand why I can't come, too.

297
00:14:16,829 --> 00:14:18,072
Aren't I a fun mom?

298
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:21,159
Didn't I buy a case of beer for you and your friends on your 18th birthday, huh?

299
00:14:21,279 --> 00:14:22,963
Yeah. Then you drank it yourself.

300
00:14:24,165 --> 00:14:26,290
And heckled us while we played Trivial Pursuit.

301
00:14:27,853 --> 00:14:30,379
Come on. Just give me a chance.

302
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:33,265
Let's try it one night. It-it'll be an experiment.

303
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,270
Like that thing you put in the fridge that Joey ate.

304
00:14:35,430 --> 00:14:36,473
Delicious.

305
00:14:38,637 --> 00:14:39,960
Okay, I guess we can try it.

306
00:14:40,121 --> 00:14:41,684
Plus, I can help you with the women.

307
00:14:41,844 --> 00:14:44,370
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay?

308
00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:45,893
I'm actually handling that, all right?

309
00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:47,537
I'm kind of his teacher in that area.

310
00:14:48,299 --> 00:14:50,143
Oh, that must be a pretty involved course.

311
00:14:50,383 --> 00:14:53,591
How you doing? How you doing? How you doing?

312
00:14:59,524 --> 00:15:01,408
Well, it worked on every one of your friends.

313
00:15:12,713 --> 00:15:14,397
-Hey.
- Hey.

314
00:15:14,597 --> 00:15:17,363
I, uh, got another note from the super.

315
00:15:17,524 --> 00:15:18,806
What an idiot.

316
00:15:18,967 --> 00:15:21,172
Spelled "unacceptable" with two Cs.

317
00:15:22,936 --> 00:15:25,060
That's how you spell "unacceptable."

318
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,784
Interesting that you'd know that.

319
00:15:28,869 --> 00:15:30,553
So, how are you? Doing well?

320
00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:31,795
Yeah, I'm fine.

321
00:15:31,835 --> 00:15:34,521
Really? Just fine? You're not great or, say... super?

322
00:15:36,406 --> 00:15:38,691
- All right, Joey, what's up?
- I'll tell you what's up.

323
00:15:38,731 --> 00:15:40,976
Your game is over, okay? You can't fool me.

324
00:15:41,056 --> 00:15:43,301
I know you're the super. Or his handwriting teacher.

325
00:15:46,187 --> 00:15:48,392
The super? Where did you even get that?

326
00:15:48,472 --> 00:15:49,916
Okay, enough! If...

327
00:15:49,996 --> 00:15:52,201
If you don't admit you're the super right now, I'm gonna...

328
00:15:53,443 --> 00:15:55,087
I'm gonna break this chair!

329
00:15:55,127 --> 00:15:56,450
Okay, all right, fine. I'm the super.

330
00:15:56,530 --> 00:15:57,292
- Ah-hah!
- Oh!

331
00:15:59,056 --> 00:16:01,020
I'm really worked up right now.

332
00:16:02,624 --> 00:16:04,668
Well, now you know. It's out in the open.

333
00:16:04,748 --> 00:16:06,111
So why did you lie in the first place?!

334
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,196
I didn't lie. You never asked me directly,

335
00:16:08,356 --> 00:16:09,960
and I just didn't volunteer the information.

336
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,365
okay, the lawyer logic isn't gonna work with me, all right?

337
00:16:12,365 --> 00:16:14,049
Or any other kind of logic, for that matter.

338
00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:18,980
Look, I-I didn't tell you I was the super

339
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,864
because I thought we were getting along. Okay?

340
00:16:20,984 --> 00:16:22,909
Well, it felt good because everybody

341
00:16:22,989 --> 00:16:24,713
in this building hates me and my stupid notes.

342
00:16:26,918 --> 00:16:28,361
They... They call me the notesy.

343
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:33,412
It's not funny.

344
00:16:34,094 --> 00:16:36,459
And the crazy thing is, it's not even my job.

345
00:16:36,659 --> 00:16:37,541
It's my husband's job,

346
00:16:37,702 --> 00:16:39,185
but he's away a lot so I have to do it,

347
00:16:39,305 --> 00:16:41,069
and if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it well,

348
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:44,236
so I guess you're just gonna have to go ahead and hate me like everybody else!

349
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,122
Hey.

350
00:16:49,207 --> 00:16:50,530
I don't hate you.

351
00:16:52,013 --> 00:16:53,096
You don't?

352
00:16:53,938 --> 00:16:55,140
You should.

353
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:58,267
I-I mean, I leave these annoying notes

354
00:16:58,387 --> 00:17:00,111
and I-I made you take away your grill.

355
00:17:00,272 --> 00:17:01,314
Yeah, but...

356
00:17:03,519 --> 00:17:05,403
Look, I don't know many people out here.

357
00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,089
Okay? I mean, I got my family, but they're kinda nuts.

358
00:17:09,452 --> 00:17:11,697
Okay? I could use someone normal,

359
00:17:12,058 --> 00:17:13,661
and you show a lot of promise.

360
00:17:15,185 --> 00:17:16,227
Really?

361
00:17:16,909 --> 00:17:18,312
That's so nice.

362
00:17:19,113 --> 00:17:21,398
I don't know what to say. I think I'm gonna cry.

363
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,764
You have got yourself some mood swings.

364
00:17:27,051 --> 00:17:28,414
So, uh...

365
00:17:28,494 --> 00:17:29,537
we're good?

366
00:17:29,978 --> 00:17:31,341
Yeah. Yeah, we're good.

367
00:17:33,946 --> 00:17:35,790
You want to give me another note, don't you?

368
00:17:35,831 --> 00:17:37,314
It's the last one, I promise.

369
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,084
But I didn't... Oh, yes, I did. Yeah.

370
00:17:48,739 --> 00:17:51,385
This is gonna be great, Micheal. There are lots of cute girls here.

371
00:17:52,067 --> 00:17:54,191
Ooh, except for her. What a tramp.

372
00:17:54,392 --> 00:17:55,835
That's a mirror, Gina.

373
00:17:57,599 --> 00:17:59,122
I'm not talking about me.

374
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,572
All right, Michael, first thing we gotta do

375
00:18:03,692 --> 00:18:05,176
is pick out some good prospects.

376
00:18:05,256 --> 00:18:06,539
Now, you're gonna want to play the numbers.

377
00:18:06,739 --> 00:18:07,461
What do you mean?

378
00:18:07,501 --> 00:18:11,510
Well, it's important to choose someone at the same level of hotness as yourself.

379
00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:15,318
You could go two points either way, but I-I wouldn't do much more than that.

380
00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:18,044
For example-- I'm a nine. Okay?

381
00:18:18,926 --> 00:18:24,819
So, I can hit on a seven or a hypothetical 11. Okay?

382
00:18:24,859 --> 00:18:28,267
Another option for me is a four and a five. Okay?

383
00:18:29,189 --> 00:18:30,632
Three threes.

384
00:18:30,792 --> 00:18:34,360
And... and I wouldn't this: nine ones.

385
00:18:35,563 --> 00:18:37,608
Okay, so, what number am I?

386
00:18:39,011 --> 00:18:40,253
- Six.
- Six.

387
00:18:41,657 --> 00:18:43,461
Wow. Honest. Okay.

388
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,222
Okay. All right.

389
00:18:44,302 --> 00:18:46,547
Why don't you start with that seven right over there? She looks nice.

390
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,632
You can't just send him out. He doesn't even know what to say.

391
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:49,755
No, no, no, we covered that.

392
00:18:49,835 --> 00:18:51,398
Remember, Michael? Talk about the stars.

393
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,483
Oh, honey, if you're going to talk about the stars,

394
00:18:53,563 --> 00:18:55,126
I'm gonna have to downgrade you to a four.

395
00:18:56,971 --> 00:18:59,095
- You got a better idea?
- Yes, I do.

396
00:18:59,496 --> 00:19:00,859
Does this place have a mechanical bull?

397
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,904
Women really like to see how a man moves.

398
00:19:02,984 --> 00:19:05,469
- All like...
- Mom.
- Sit down.

399
00:19:06,351 --> 00:19:08,075
All right, forget the stars, all right?

400
00:19:08,236 --> 00:19:09,839
On to Plan B-- the accidental bump.

401
00:19:11,002 --> 00:19:13,006
Oh, sorry, I... Oh, hi.

402
00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:15,893
Don't listen to him.

403
00:19:15,973 --> 00:19:18,859
You know, I think it'll be easier if you sit here and I bring you girls.

404
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:20,583
What do you like? Big chest?

405
00:19:21,705 --> 00:19:24,151
You know, I think I'm just gonna go up to the girl and start talking.

406
00:19:24,472 --> 00:19:26,356
Okay, just... make sure you're nice to her.

407
00:19:26,396 --> 00:19:27,599
Yeah, but not too nice.

408
00:19:27,759 --> 00:19:29,843
- Compliment her.
- Ignore her.

409
00:19:29,964 --> 00:19:32,008
- Compliment her, then ignore her.
- Yeah.

410
00:19:33,331 --> 00:19:34,333
Okay...

411
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,939
- Make sure you ask her name.
- And then call her a different name.

412
00:19:38,182 --> 00:19:40,427
- And make eye contact.
- Yeah, but don't stare at her.

413
00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:43,233
- Want to seem interested.
- But completely bored.

414
00:19:44,356 --> 00:19:46,601
- Just be yourself.
- No, no! Pretend to be somebody else.

415
00:19:47,402 --> 00:19:49,688
Okay. All right. I think I'd like you to leave.

416
00:19:49,928 --> 00:19:51,051
- What?
- Why?

417
00:19:51,091 --> 00:19:53,737
It's just a lot of advice. It's putting a lot of pressure on me

418
00:19:53,857 --> 00:19:55,701
and I think I'll just do better if I'm by myself.

419
00:19:57,064 --> 00:19:58,267
Oh.. Okay.

420
00:19:59,108 --> 00:20:00,111
Wow.

421
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:02,676
I guess we'd better go.

422
00:20:04,921 --> 00:20:06,685
Damn it, that is me.

423
00:20:14,022 --> 00:20:15,745
I can't believe Michael's still not home yet.

424
00:20:16,226 --> 00:20:17,670
I know, it's taking a while.

425
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,113
Do you think that means he scored?

426
00:20:19,514 --> 00:20:20,676
No.

427
00:20:23,883 --> 00:20:27,291
I really wanted to help him with this stuff, but it was hard.

428
00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:29,376
Can I tell you a secret?

429
00:20:30,578 --> 00:20:31,701
He's weird.

430
00:20:32,823 --> 00:20:34,066
Can I tell you a secret?

431
00:20:34,146 --> 00:20:34,988
I know.

432
00:20:36,391 --> 00:20:37,794
He's just so different from us.

433
00:20:37,834 --> 00:20:40,721
I mean, can you imagine having trouble with the opposite sex?

434
00:20:40,881 --> 00:20:43,687
The only thing that ever slowed me down was that little bastard.

435
00:20:45,692 --> 00:20:48,257
And he's, he's so... smart.

436
00:20:48,618 --> 00:20:49,941
Where's he get that from?

437
00:20:49,981 --> 00:20:50,663
I don't know.

438
00:20:50,743 --> 00:20:53,990
I mean, it's like some alien sent from another planet to make me feel stupid.

439
00:20:54,151 --> 00:20:56,275
Well, I'm here now, okay?

440
00:20:56,676 --> 00:20:59,122
So the dummies outnumber the aliens.

441
00:21:01,447 --> 00:21:02,529
Just...

442
00:21:02,930 --> 00:21:05,135
I feel bad, you know? I'm his uncle.

443
00:21:05,215 --> 00:21:06,738
I want to help him with something.

444
00:21:07,901 --> 00:21:10,266
If I can't help him with girls, I don't know what else I got.

445
00:21:10,707 --> 00:21:12,952
Well, you are helping him-- he's out on a Saturday night.

446
00:21:13,073 --> 00:21:15,237
Normally he'd be at the library studying.

447
00:21:15,799 --> 00:21:18,805
If he left the bar and went to the library, I am going to kill him.

448
00:21:20,649 --> 00:21:22,654
How'd it go?

449
00:21:23,576 --> 00:21:24,899
I got a phone number...

450
00:21:25,139 --> 00:21:26,623
from a solid five.

451
00:21:29,268 --> 00:21:30,912
Good for you.All right.

452
00:21:32,435 --> 00:21:34,119
So, you gonna call her?

453
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,442
I think so.

454
00:21:35,522 --> 00:21:37,607
- Call her now.
- No, no, no. Wait three days.

455
00:21:38,288 --> 00:21:39,892
No, you want her to know you like her.

456
00:21:39,972 --> 00:21:40,814
No, play hard to get.

457
00:21:41,055 --> 00:21:44,101
- Take her to dinner and a movie.
- Bring her a slice and some porn.

458
00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:47,589
Joey, that's disgusting.

459
00:21:47,749 --> 00:21:48,952
Worked on all of your friends.

460
00:21:53,242 --> 00:21:55,366
Tonight, catch a supersized Apprentice

461
00:21:55,647 --> 00:21:57,892
following the premiere of Will and Grace on NBC.

462
00:21:58,614 --> 00:22:01,059
I don't know Micheal, I think this stars thing could work.

463
00:22:01,179 --> 00:22:03,063
Okay, I'll give it a shot some time.

464
00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:04,988
try it now.

465
00:22:12,885 --> 00:22:14,248
That's the Perseus Cluster.

466
00:22:14,489 --> 00:22:17,295
It's one of the most massive objects in the entire universe.

467
00:22:17,616 --> 00:22:19,340
Kinda makes you feel small, doesn't it ?

468
00:22:19,460 --> 00:22:21,384
It does, Micheal. Continue.

469
00:22:24,431 --> 00:22:27,518
Well, it's 320 million light years away.

470
00:22:27,638 --> 00:22:30,284
The universe is so vast and empty

471
00:22:31,086 --> 00:22:33,210
make me glad that we have each other.

472
00:22:38,823 --> 00:22:39,825
What are you doing ?

473
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,469
I'm a 9 !

474
00:22:42,305 --> 00:22:48,838
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